this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
