Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize