she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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