HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Randomize
