The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
two words...techno handjob
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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