It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
