WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
