Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
