i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
