i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
