if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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