She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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