Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I want her autograph on my taint
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
