Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
