Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my being single is dangerous.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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