this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
