But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
