is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
