There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
