My sheets look like a crime scene.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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