i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
