Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
