just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
