You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
