When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
