my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
