a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
