I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
