Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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