Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
