my phone cant type all the emotion im having
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
