So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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