I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
