Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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