The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
