she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Is Oprah even human
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
