respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
