I looked at my own cervix.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Dick very happy bro
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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