is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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