his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
