She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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