What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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