yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
