I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
