I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
