OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
