it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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