I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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