none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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