So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
