it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
