I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I think my moral compass just broke
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
