he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You are the jesus of drinking
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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