I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
